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Touching Myself Was Coming Home To My Body: Pallavi

Masturbation for women across the globe has been pretty much a taboo. Breaking such shackles one by one is what MiraiMe aims at! To accept one's body as it is, and love it soulfully is all about invoking that tigress within. Such is the tale of 30-year-old Kolkata-based woman Janhvi Verma.

After her divorce last year, she decided to explore herself. "I put on my favorite video, it is a makeout scene from a movie and touched myself. That was probably one of the best feelings I have ever had! Clitoris is God's gift to women. It can give you pleasures that you can barely imagine. I was not really scared, but I feared loneliness. It felt like freedom, honestly. Masturbating was like coming home to my body. I took a long long time to accept my body, and masturbation accentuated the emotions and acceptance," Janhvi expressed.

She says even today, masturbating gives her a strange sense of loneliness, "The dependence, that most of us are conditioned with for almost everything, was weighing me down. The conditioning has started to wear off with time. I am an independent woman, why should I depend on men for pleasure? I don't have a friend who masturbates, and whom I could speak to for advice. There is, however, a friend who is like 38 and lives in Mexico. She taught me how to use the vibrator. Also, a 49-year-old postmenopausal woman in Coonoor who still knows how to work her way out to pleasure with estrogen suppositories and sex toys!"

Like most women, she also associated touching herself as something dirty.

"That's what mom told me: Good girls never touch themselves down there.

It's only the sluts. So, I kept depending on men to give me pleasure. Most men are really bad at that one job they are supposed to do well. With no orgasms for years, and faking it for a pretty long time, I thought this is it, this is the max I can feel," she added.

There's been an insane amount of ostracising because she chooses to speak, and own her body, "Masturbation has been a taboo because of the conditioning, the idea that vaginas are dirty because they bleed, and people are cowards. I think guys are intimidated by a sexually confident woman who is sexually aware. This shame and taboo and the image of an ideal girl, I think, is a predatory game to make oppression easier."


-Sweta Mishra

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